this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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