I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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