i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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