i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
