too bad you live with your parents still
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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