i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
