Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
