There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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