No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
