It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
