I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
