You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
