oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
