this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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