alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize