I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize