Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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