Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
