I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
