I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
