id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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