hotel room ftw
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
They took my balls.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
