I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
