worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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