so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Randomize
