So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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