I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
