I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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