And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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