I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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