I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
