My hair reeks of homosexuality.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
