rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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