rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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