True but thats because hes a fetus.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
