At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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