Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
