I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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