Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
