i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
