I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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