Can i not drive my cunt home
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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