Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
