Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
