yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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