Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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