Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
