All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize