hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
