He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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