so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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