You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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