She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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