sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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