how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
