Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
