can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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