grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
