Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
