no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
