He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
