I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
