Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
