I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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