Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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