I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
