kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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