Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
