dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
