I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dear god my vagina.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
