If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
