she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
