why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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