I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
