His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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