erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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