dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
id be glad to
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
