At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
