she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
