All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
