god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
