last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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