So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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