I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
