I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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