you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize