He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
