heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
