Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
