I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
