new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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