Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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