Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize