I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
