You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
