I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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