I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So here I am, sexting at work.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
