Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
