Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Randomize
