we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
