HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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